Thankfull

It 5:18am on Sunday morning, I have been up for the past 2 plus hours or 2 1/2 episodes of LA Ink. Insomnia has become a close friend. During my first pregnancy it showed up almost instantly, so I am not sad to say that it took 5 months to visit me in my second. Normally I would be frustrated at missing some well need sleep but I have to say that this morning I am super excited. For the past couple of hours as I have been tossing and turning on our rock hard couch I have got to feel our baby move more than ever. It is the most amazing feeling and I am happy to say that I can feel my little lemon getting stronger. It has almost been 2 weeks since I felt the first little movement that I was sure was our baby and I have to say that every time it happens I have to give thanks. I was lucky enough to feel Jude move once within me. It is a special moment that I will never forget and always cherish. I can't wait for Matt to be able to feel the baby move, I know he will have one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen on his face.
I have to also mention that I have amazing friends. Last night Becky and Hailey surprised with a bunch a beautiful creative flowers, an amazing super sized chocolate bar and a bottle of bubbly that I can actually drink(sparkling cider with pomegranate). It was great to see them both. I love to show Becky the crazy new things we do to our house, she always has the best reaction and the funniest comments/compliments.Thank You, you guys made my night!

20 weeks tomorrow

Tomorrow I am 20 weeks or 5 months pregnant. I am very excited to be half way through...again. With every new happy milestone that I have in this pregnancy, I have to say that there is a bit of sorrow. Its hard not to think about our little boy. Every week I get a little reminder of how far along I am and what is going on with the baby. This week I was told that the baby should be about 10 inches...Jude was 10inch when I gave birth to him. I have the measuring tape upstairs that they used to measure him with with a small mark next to the 10, we keep it in our memory box of Jude.

I have to say that tonight I am very bitter. I don't want a memory box, I want my baby. I don't want his ashes, I want his crys and laughs. I want to wake up from this horrid dream that has become my life. I don't want to know what it feels like to loose such an important part of you.

I have heard the saying that life only gives you what you can handle. I am not sure if I believe that or not but as I write this and my tears get stronger I feel the little one within me kick and I breath again knowing that I will make it through another day.

Dear Heartburn

Dear Heartburn,
Please, please go away. You have been visiting for quit awhile and I think that it is time to go. You go from zero to ten sometimes when I just have a glass of water and I am not enjoying it at all. I try to live by your new rules that you have put before me but you have to understand that my appitite and craving are not mine alone. There is a little person living within me that begs for midnight snacks, Mexican food and orange juice. I try to make you happy by having a container of tums in every room of the house, my car and in my purse but you still are unhappy. I have even moved on to liquid relief that I keep cool in the fridge but still you stay strong till late in the night. Its not that I want you to move on to someone else but maybe just maybe you could lighten up a bite...please

Mini and her grandpa

I took this picture last weekend as part of a family session. Every time I look at it I find a new emotion that attaches me to this photo. This picture was not staged, I was lucky enough to catch this moment. And I have to say it makes me miss my grandparents very much. I think that a grandparent gives a special kind of love that only a grandparent could give. I was lucky enough to have the most amazing grandma and papa. And even though they are not still here, I still feel that love from them and am happy to know that I always will

had to share

I had to share this picture that I actually just saw. This is a baby quilt that Matt's Aunt Timi made for our baby. I love it! If you look close there are actually pictures from our bus trips in the quilt. I can't wait to see this quilt in person. I am even more excited to see our baby in a tie dyed onesie with some crazy hat wrapped up in this quilt. Thank you so much Timi, we both love it so much!

New friends

This past week man was out of town for work, which meant I was holding down the fort by myself. Normally I don't mind this at all, I lived by myself for many and loved it.There was a small task that I was asked to do and that I had to turn down.
In one of our apple trees these cute little vicious killers were having a snack. I wouldn't have a problem with this but these raccoons were 3 time the size of one of our dogs and all he cats were outside too. Matt told me that I need to shoot them with the pellet gun or risk loosing our animals. I couldn't do it! I decided that if they crossed the drive way then they would get it. I really hoped that it wouldn't come to this because I don't even like to kill bugs. And these were cute! Thankfully they ate their apples and stayed away from the animals.
The bathroom is coming along. The shower has new beautiful tile, the plumbing is done and Matt finished hanging the rest of the drywall today. We have a wonderful new laundry area that I don't mind doing laundry in. Which is a good thing because I heard a rumor that babies come with a lot of laundry.
Speaking of babies hopefully we get to find out what we are having the first week in November...we can't wait.